EMOTIONS: MONTH #145
"a period feeling at first rather happy to have myrthe on holiday and taking advantage to work more thoroughly on my project finding quite some peace of mind writing my thesis but then also getting quite unstable with the prospect of getting new tenants in the venice apartment who are not willing to pay the rent"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #146
"a month finding quite some happiness in pursuing my project and also being with the kids getting a bit frustrated about my neighbours unhappy about the new shed i built to cut and weld the iron for my alpine museum and also feeling a bit down at times for the lack of sleep trying to keep up with my project early in the morning and late in the evening but generally being happy having many things in my plate despite socially feeling a complete outcast"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #147
"getting quite frustrated to begin with about the rainy weather but then experiencing a lot of snow and some happy moments with the kids on the sled and on the ice also improving my mood doing some weight lifting but also getting quite affected by livia's occasional bad moods before a sudden warm spring made us all very happy reaching a pick going for a walk in the haarlem dunes after months of lock-down"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #148
"a period feeling quite nervous probably due too much work on my project spending too little time walking around as usual and with the kids being rather intense getting quite affected by livia's moods but also managing to do nice excursions together lifting up the spirit and starting to miss my oldest son august quite a lot with the pandemic still keeping us apart as much as we had to keep apart from all other friends and relatives only improving my mood walking with the kids especially as silvester did not wish to sleep so much anymore in the afternoon"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #149
"a month feeling quite happy at first with the spring coming and taking several beautiful trips with the kids exploring the dutch nature although getting quite distressed about a dutch company trying to get the most money from me to do the custom clearance of the metal i have imported for my textures but soon accepting to be dreadfully poor once again and later getting a bit down mostly welding in the backyard and not going out so much anymore also with the weather turning cold again and with myrthe quite invasive with her work"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #150
"a month feeling euphoric about the making of the textures for the project museum and our upcoming departure to italy to mount them there but also feeling quite exhausted with the kids waking up in the night and getting too little sleep also feeling good with the sun and combining that with some walking but then feeling quite down about the cold and stormy dutch spring and also feeling frustrated at first not knowing how to install the textures in the museum and later about my father right wing fanaticism which i ultimately had to report to the authorities"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #151
"a period with ups and downs in the beginning feeling good about training and also having fun with the kids but then getting quite stuck at home with a most rainy weather and getting quite bored with also no longer any welding to do for the textures of my project now shipped to italy and getting quite confused and demoralized with myrthe suggesting not to use the mosaics in the cube and attempting to propose a project with the mosaics to a dutch sculptural park but getting quite frustrated about it and demoralized i put so much effort in italy with very little gain at last however with the weather getting better also walking more and feeling better trying also to rest more with many days waking up way too early and feeling way too tired throughout the day"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #152
"in the mountains now with the whole family getting frustrated a bit with myrthe fully sucked up by her work evenings and weekends included and the having to be at all times with the kids despite also having to find some time to get started with our life there but then slowly managing the new situation especially later with the help of a local babysitter and the coming of august from sweden together being able to begin the setting up of the textures of the mountain museum and feeling happy to also see his satisfaction with the hard work despite the people sent by the politicians and the hunters to block my project making me feel rather sad"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #153
"some time spent at the seaside alone with all of my kids and feeling at times frustrated unable to even swim in the sea with the small ones always at my side but also having a good time walking with them and even biking before rebelling against my mother and sisters always looking down on us and telling them to fuck off in the end feeling happy to be back in the mountains taking small walks with the kids before resuming the building of my museum there and feeling afraid at first to work high up on the last floor but then finding a good way to do so only having issues with myrthe too work oriented and stressed but soon getting better at last only getting really affected by the many hunters coming by to join arms against my museum"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #154
"a troubled month feeling at first really solid despite august getting quite moody as i do not have the money to pay him right away for his work but then making it up and just dedicating myself to the family and taking walks at last facing a very furious myrthe trying to make her happy again but in the end slapping her causing her sudden departure from the mountains with kids living me alone first with august feeling very sad about the situation but then slowly recovering and also making peace with myrthe having at last time to take care of the venice apartment and later of the barn doing work i wanted to do for a long time only feeling a bit blocked at the beginning but then succeeding well and feeling sad to have to leave for the netherlands with a cold and rainy weather awaiting me there"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #155
"feeling a little sad far away from the project museum in italy and trying to readjust to my new life of a daddy here in the netherlands also at last moving my address here and getting a bit depressed by all the bureaucratic procedures to do so but getting quite some nice days taking memorable walks with the kids with some nice sun only to be hit by more and more negative comments about the museum in italy and later by my mother and her family attempting to sue me to avoid having troubles for the things i say of them as part of the project"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #156
"an intense period feeling not so affected by all the negative energy surrounding the project museum in italy with my mother legal threats and the fascist propaganda against it but enjoying the nice weather here in holland biking and walking with the kids and also not getting so affected of passing completely unnoticed after announcing to have concluded half of my project but later sharing my work in a gallery context here in our village and getting to talk to hundreds of people about it and finding an enriching way to share it and really amaze people"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #157
"a period of transition feeling quite charged of the solar week spent in provence and then making it back to holland understanding at last i have no chance about getting any type of recognition from my project switching soon to work full time in a factory and feeling happy in general with all the physical labour no longer experienced the boredome of staying home but also at last feeling quite exhausted with long days spent at the stedlijk museum setting up and destroying walls"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #158
"finding some energy at work doing quite some physical labour but at one point feeling very bumped about the situation with the project museum in italy feeling like to sue all the folk at the municipality who have completely withdrew their support to save their skin and later finding back somewhat of a balance trying not to think about it and giving it time spending instead some nice days with the children considering also whether i should still work full time"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #159
"a period rather okay at work but starting to feel quite burnt out only getting better during the short christmas holiday and getting mostly disturbed then by the architect in italy unwilling to proceed with the building of the staircase and the floors of the project museum spending hours early in the morning trying to figure out what to do and at last just giving the whole idea up feeling much better and feeling only better after some days spent outdoor with my family returning later to work but finding quite some energy going there with myrthe's electric bike"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #160
"a period feeling relieve about quitting my low paid and unhealthy work as a carpenter but loosing a bit my mind thinking what to do next with my art project especially after being invited to create an installation in my native highland and feeling most anxious about having to commit to something somewhere else than my project museum at last recovering taking walks with the children and finally experiencing some sun getting back in harmony with nature and myself "
EMOTIONS: MONTH #161
"feeling a great new hope having quit my low paid job in the netherlands and traveling at last with my kids to italy to evaluate the making of a new building there at last opting to to get rid of my properties there to fully focus on the building of my new installation at times only feeling frustrated i cannot really do any work with the kids always on my shoulders but lastly having also quite some good time with them and august taking walks together in this new transition period"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #162
"getting back to holland after a refreshing month spent in italy with my kids feeling there quite down and nervous with little to do but then starting to make a laboratory in the garden falling a big wild tree and then doing a lot of work dismantling the bike shed and building a new path finding some energy and hope with the whole new enterprise with the idea to one day be able to produce my own tags for the project museum"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #163
"spending most of my time with the kids at times getting bored and affected by some bad pain and bad weather but generally quite happy with them and ready to make a lot of jokes and cheer them up also with chickenpox affecting first livia and then silvester generally finding strength working despite myrthe wanting me to spend more time with her frustrating a bit my plans to get myself ready for my trip to italy and at last finding it hard to leave also with silvester having to go to the hospital but in the end reaching the beautiful hilly surrounding of southern germany staying with florian getting very fresh inside and happy"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #164
"feeling at first quite happy showing students the project museum in italy and then making it back to holland happy at first with the children and with the nice weather there but then having both of them falling sick and the weather also getting quite bad feeling rather frustrated and stuck but slowly getting able to set up the production of the project museum tags and also doing some progress outside building the garden path and getting quite good again being able to have some days just working on my project and taking long walk like a solitary one in breda while myrthe visited her parents with the kids"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #165
"a month feeling very happy about traveling with the children and exploring germany together later in the mountains feeling still very happy with them when moving around especially in the golden fields down the mountains but also having quite low moments when inactive just looking after them sort of stuck in our mountain village only later however finding a good balance with a girl looking after them a couple of hours in the mornings enabling me to start welding the floors of the project museum"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #166
"a month feeling happy about the progress with the project museum setting up the middle and top floor there but then traveling with the family for a small holiday in abruzzo and getting a very painful neck forcing me to bed and feeling better and happy after my recovery especially finding some nice and wild beaches later also feeling happy with august spending a week with us but then also facing his bad and impassive mood especially going for an excursion in the maiella mountains with mathijn and also feeling disturbed in my birthday about my mother and sister trying to contact me despite all the threats to sue me and so forth then later feeling happy to return to the mountains and get back to work on the project museum with more and more supporters and less of the people hating me and the work showing up"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #167
"a month with very mixed emotions sometime affected by the moods in my family but nonetheless feeling quite happy in the mountains and then also of traveling back to the netherlands despite having to struggle a bit with the distance from all my big spiritual investment i always leave behind and for having to completely switch to an house wife mode in holland but with the children enjoying either way our time going often to the lake to swim but getting blocked in the end having to also look after the girl of our spanish greek friends"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #168
"a month feeling happy at first to be able to have some time here and there to work hard on my project making it a prerogative to keep up with catching up with all its various instances and at times feeling a bit stuck in the routine of having to also take care of the daughter of our greek spanish friends later also getting to do quite a physical exercise beginning to make the floor of the garage lifting and mixing hundreds of concrete bags in the end however getting quite exhausted of all the work and trying to spend more nice time with the kids especially with the weather getting nicer"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #169
"at first enjoying some sunny days feeling generally happy about the progress with my work and also spending some days out with the children but then with the weather getting bad having to spend some full days at home with silvester feeling sick and whiny later also getting sick and at times having to do the hard work of laying the bricks of the new garage with also a lack of proper sleep"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #170
"mentally connecting more and more with my reality giving up all the possible distractions such as my short-lived social media activities to promote the project museum and also people trying to involve me in other projects mostly for themselves and always unpaid like the guys running a restaurant on top of the novegno mountain but also loosing my friend davide as an intimate reference with him not really engaging anymore and anyway taking a different path in life feeling sad about the event but either way feeling glad of my choice in life to invest in making a good base for my family but also for my work and also feeling very happy meeting up other people living in the village such an indian italian family and also feeling very happy just to take small walks with my family taking a break from all the building hours i put on the new garage having silvester at times giving me a hard time as he got sick towards the end but with livia now becoming a most well educated and kind little girl"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #171
"feeling a bit sad to leave the netherlands to go to italy after feeling good for having finished my garage there but also at times feeling quite heavy for all myrthe's work related anxieties and traveling with the children finding some joy and having picks of extreme happiness at times turned into feeling of strong misery when either silvester or livia got mad and angry with each other but having fun together also reaching the mountains in italy enjoying the snow at first and then after it melted enjoying the sun taking a memorable walk together along the summano mount feeling later mostly distressed by my mother really pushing to get to meet despite all her deadly threats against my project just a year ago"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #172
"generally a nice period spent to begin with in the mountains with the children at times being difficult but generally happy of the fresh air and about taking the first steps to realize the cathedral of my project but also having myrthe quite obsessed about work and moody about it using me as her psychologist to reflect with her all the possible scenarios and back in the netherlands feeling a bit empty especially after being hit by the corona virus which it is said to also affect people's mood and on top of it having myrthe calling sick from work and requiring me to talk constantly about it at times leaving me awake at night but generally holding strong and also with a most gray and rainy weather trying to keep the children happy and outdoor"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #173
"feeling good at first taking walks with august around several dutch cities but then getting sad after his departure especially with myrthe bringing a lot of anxiety at home with her burn out having to look after the children and most domestic tasks all alone unable to do so much more other than updating my project feeling a bit frustrated but also having some good time with the children despite the bad weather and feeling some excitement about the direction i took in pursuing anarchism also with my creative work and having some bad nights after fighting again with my germanic neighbour but slowly also getting over it and becoming more strict with myself no longer eating any added sugar and becoming more disciplined"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #174
"getting affected by a most erratic weather feeling like a confused bee with at times a sunny day feeling like spring and then suddenly gray and cold weather for many days in a row and despite that feeling quite happy with also august coming to visit us making nice walks together in the end having feeling rather sad after his departure but getting some good ideas about how to move on with my work understanding how impossible and hopeless is to connect back to academia and the cultural scene especially in the too literally moralistic and puritan holland focusing on my own practice and the building of installations in the alps"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #175
"quite an intense period trying to teach myrthe how to disobey the work making her so miserable and feeling happy together camping with the children in northern france finding quite some distress back home because of some humming in my ears i could not find the cause of but having good energies anyhow for the writing of the anarcarkist manifesto in view of more installation to do in italy finally making there with the family"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #176
"still very much triggered about the writing of the anarcarkist manifesto spending a nice time in the mountains with the family but soon realizing how hard it is to make new installations there with a most middle class minded mentality feeling a time also frustrated about the rainy weather but getting quite a kick of energy with the sun and some walking with the children but then finding a most dreadful weather back in the netherlands getting me quite down soon however recovering my usual strength and happiness taking walks with myrthe and also the children especially after camping together in limburg and near dusseldorf"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #177
"a month again spoiled by our dutch military neighbour threatening myrthe so as to be allowed to put isolation for his wall but on our property side but generally getting to sleep good and training a lot biking with the children to the lake to swim and only having to face myrthe's anxieties but either way then feeling most happy about august joining me in the netherlands and with him travelling to sardinia also there getting most happy to reunite with my old friend davide but finding it hard with august wanting to keep in bed and in general not talking but managing to take nice walks on the beautiful gallura's coast"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #178
"feeling most happy about traveling with my two boys through europe with our van but then getting quite sad with my oldest traveling back home and generally getting too little sleep and feeling weak eating very little now keeping a strict vegetarian diet in respect for animals and the environment but generally do managing to do some work in the mountains with silvester letting me work on the fence for our new parking lot and with him having a memorable time later on our way to pick his mother and sister camping at the garda lake and walking and swimming a lot"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #179
"spending the month with the children and myrthe on the mountains getting a bit affected by the latter and her moods by trying to take walks together and improve her moods at times feeling frustrated of not being able to work enough at my project museum having quite a tedious work to there attaching tags having also very nice days walking for instance with my old friends up mount pasubio and taking my daughter livia along feeling most proud and impressed of incredible strength later however getting some very lame dutch friends coming over and feeling affected about their total lack of enthusiasm"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #180
"feeling at first very happy left alone with my children traveling back home through the enchanting austrian landscape and stopping there to enjoy the nature but then finding it hard to readjust to the urban life in the netherlands despite having my old friend davide visiting and despite going daily out with him for walks and bike rides and canoe rides just feeling a bit empty left alone with now also my youngest son silvester having to attend school after so many years together but in the end recovering by becoming very disciplined with my project and also with myself getting back to running and training"