EMOTIONS: MONTH #181
"to being with enjoying a very nice and sunny beginning of the autumn in the netherlands with the both kids now starting school having more time to take care of my project and do much writings finding quite a joy in it but then also getting first silvester and then livia sick at home making it a bit hectic and compensating for the time spent at home taking the children for long excursion in the nature getting extremely happy also with myrthe feeling generally better with her work but also living in the shadow of poverty with prices inflating and the cost of living becoming quite unmanageable but constantly baking my own bread for the family and avoiding any unnecessary expense later also sitting too much writing in front of my computer and getting some bad nights of sleep turning my mood quite down"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #182
"feeling generally happy about being able to work on my project and also having a very good time with my family looking after the dog of myrthe's older brother in his villa next to maastricht taking nice walks in the beautiful nature ad having some periods feeling not so good mostly because of the bad weather but nonetheless feeling i have found my dimension with all my work and only getting a bit in a fight with davide taking clearly the opposite direction from him doing creative work with artificial intelligence"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #183
"feeling good about our little life in the netherlands despite the weather the almost constant bad weather and getting later rather hit about the nationalist party winning the elections seen a change among people even in our village now acting as if it is time to get rid of migrants like me and reestablish the national pride and beside this having nice little moments with my children walking them to school but also spending their days off taking little excursions in nature but also with their mother to utrecht"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #184
"trying to be active as much as possible while in the netherlands despite the weather and despite the political situation there with the anti-immigrant party leading the elections feeling angry quite angry about the situation and glad to travel to italy in the end spending some nice days with the family enjoying the sunny weather before falling sick altogether and after recovering managing to do some work in the forest and taking some nice hikes but then visiting my native highland and feeling most touched on how devastated it got by tourism feeling most happy about our small reality in a forgotten corner of the alps especially with climate change also threatening the netherlands with an increase rise in the water level"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #185
"back in the netherlands feeling quite happy with the weather getting very cold and crisp taking walks outside but not really with the family having my children at school and myrthe at work later also starting a lot of renovation projects moving up to the attic with myrthe and leaving our room to silvester and making livia's room bigger feeling overwhelmed by the amount of work and all the chaos i have generated but slowly getting the upper hand being able soon to take walks with the family and my children in the nature feeling most happy also about quitting all the more commercial applications on my phone to chat with faraway people and never get anything in return"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #186
"a bit of a strange month feeling very happy when free with my children walking through the forest but then getting quite sad of having to start working at the bakery compromising our free time together also finding them quite nervous about all the school routine and in such a routine sleeping too little and trying to force myself to sleep more in the end managing well but getting quite hit in receiving much negativity for a small article i wrote talking about the more ecological side of anarchism later also feeling very happy about having my oldest son august over for a visit"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #187
"a month feeling happy to begin with hosting my oldest son august and my friend mario and generally also feeling very happy of the all the physical work done at the bakery where i started to work and also outside rearranging the garden so as to make more space in the garage where i am planning to weld the inner part of the ark but also feeling quite frustrated for having too much on my plate and too little time in the end managing to overcome the frustration and making a very good progress despite some unfortunate occurrences such as getting ripped off by a paint shop in town and breaking the windscreen of our van"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #188
"with silvester no longer wanting to go to school feeling very sorry for him and pausing all my project to keep him home at times or just bringing him half day still having some nice time with the family especially during the weekend taking some beautiful hikes together with also the spring now fully in blossom but also getting hit quite hard about myrthe's decision to take anti-depressives to deal with her moods prior to her period being in general myself quite against the use of chemicals but in the end leaving it up to her also at times feeling quite overwhelmed with both the taking care of the household and the children and the work at the bakery as well as my project but with consistency managing it all up especially in view to our departure to italy"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #189
"having to work several days in a row for my baker friend feeling quite exhausted in the end but finding quite some energy traveling to the alps again for the spring holiday crossing the high peaks covered in snow and landing in our mountain village feeling a bit overwhelmed with all there is to be done there but slowly managing quite much both attaching the last tags on the last floor of the ark as well as cutting grass and arranging to plaster the outside of our barn also taking walks with the family visiting our relatives and feeling quite good about it but then in the last week in the mountains feeling quite sick in my throat and head enduring nonetheless the last bit of work until in the nd traveling back to holland and finding a good weather there making life happy and easy meeting many old friends just around the village"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #190
"making little progress in the netherlands and also taking several walks with my children feeling happy in general but for a period in which i got too little sleep in the end managing to get over it and pull myself up continuing to work at the bakery but very much also investing both on the house building a little roof over the back entrance and painting livia's windows and on the project feeling very excited about all my new discoveries both writing and reading about the later anarchist trends"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #191
"feeling excited once again to have the summer in front of me and the opportunity to work on my ark and proceeding head long to implement what i have so much prepared for but then getting quite hit of the possibility that the local far-right is again after me seeking revenge in the end learning to accept this possibility and becoming more convinced i should just go my way without doing things out of fear from them and in this respect also taking it easy investing more on the family and taking nice excursions with them both at the seaside but especially in the mountains"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #192
"spending a very nice time with all my children reunited in the mountains taking it easy from working at the ark keeping very low expectations about it only informally those people accidentally ending up there and spending some nice days with a photographer from rome coming to see it doing a small adventure together and traveling across the mountains to also visit the giant bear sculpture of a countryman feeling however a bit disappointed about my mother and sister making no effort to visit me after I took the trouble to visit them also in the end feeling quite sad in general with some bad weather not able to take walks with the children and in the end having to depart from the mountains finding some joy again in meeting up with my uncle now confined in switzerland finding him some of the affection i am not really used to"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #193
"back in holland feeling quite depressed at first after all the walking and the outdoors activities in the mountains but quite soon getting quite empowered by the good weather making it almost every day to the lake to swim with the children and also getting a few reviews about my ark in the end however feeling rather drained about any form of self-promotion and getting some reward just working in the bakery and socializing with my friend sam or in general just being with the children"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #194
"with the weather getting rainier finding much joy in editing my project and really focusing on it away from all the social media neurotic engagement also taking very nice walks with the children in the weekend and working hard for sam at the bakery but at times feeling a bit down and frustrated in the end however seeing much prospect also with all my studying of hunter-gatherers and the lecture i will give at the art academy in utrecht about them as well as our purchase of the other half of our barn in the alps and the possibility to make work on other art projects"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #195
"feeling happy strolling around with my children but sad with the bad weather setting in and with the work and school routines made heavier by my readings of anti-civilization essays lastly only trying to focus on reading about hunter-gatherer societies as my sole source of inspiration and getting quite happy getting to present my lecture about them after so many years with no students but my own children finally also trying to invest more in walking and staying outdoors to improve my mood also finding joy in keeping up my project no longer focused in getting out there with social media being clear with my self that like a hunter-gatherer i don't want to cultivate anything but my humanness"
EMOTIONS: MONTH #196
"noticing a bit of rigidity in my head with all the standard procedures i have to comply working and bringing the children to school and trying to take long walks to deregiment myself luckily having some nice holidays with myrthe and the children also spending most of our times in the forest and later feeling frustrated to start redesigning the memory cathedral on which my project has been based getting soon however very happy getting soon a lot of new work to do and many ideas at times interrupted by having to go to work at the bakery but generally being able to keep them up culminating in the end with the death of my dear mountain neighbour gianna who i considered as my spiritual mother making me cry like never before but also finding a permanent place in my heart"